15 May 2015

This week I have been introducing new mentees to mentors. Every time we make an introduction through our mentoring service we get people talking and sharing, and we take another step towards improving the working lives of everyone who has a disability or long term health condition. It is, by far, my favourite part of the job.

When someone approaches us to become a mentor, we are often asked these three questions: What does mentoring involve? Does it take up a lot of time? Is there a “party line” mentors are expected to take when facing certain issues?

The answer to these questions is simple: each relationship is unique, it takes as long as it takes, and we have no agenda to push. You give the guidance and advice you feel is right.

The range of issues I have discussed with mentees is very wide. Some have faced discrimination and ignorance at work, and do not know how to overcome it. Some are worried about going into the workplace for the first time, and how employers will react to their disability. Some are in a career rut and need help to see a way forwards. Some face practical issues that need to be solved.

Equally, the personalities of our mentees are very different. Some mentees feel that they want to be a “spokesperson” for employees with disabilities and that they should be at the forefront of improving working conditions and challenging outdated attitudes. Others have faced situations that have left them lacking confidence, and feeling as though their job is a daily struggle. Others just want to get on with their work like everyone else, but with the knowledge that should they need to, they can pick up the phone to someone who understands.

This informs the type of support that they seek. You may be giving career advice. You may be offering moral support. You may be a sounding board for ideas. You may be relying on your own history of dealing with tough situations and passing on your advice and experience. You may very well be the only person your mentee knows who has faced the same challenges, and still got on with their job.

Perhaps most importantly, as a mentor you might not be giving advice at all.  Very often the problems posed by disabilities in the workplace have no easy or “right” answer.   You might simply be showing that you have had similar experiences in the workplace and know first-hand how it feels.  That can mean a lot.  For very many people with a disability, it is the uniqueness of the experience that is the problem.  Often it is this that makes them feel so isolated.   For example, often non-disabled colleagues simply do not understand why it is that it can be so upsetting to be subtly excluded or differently treated; just as often they might not even appreciate that their conduct has that effect.  It can be a huge relief talking to someone who “gets” what you are saying without the need for explanation.

We do not prescribe how the relationship should work. We do not have written guidelines and we do not dictate what your attitude must be to any given topic. What we will do is match mentor and mentee as closely as we can, bearing in mind the disability, career choices and personality of the people involved. We don’t always have a perfect match, but we get pretty close. After that it is down to you to work out how you would like the relationship to work.

We are always in the background, so you can bounce ideas around, or ask us to help you tackle a particularly tricky issue, if that would help. Between us we have a great deal of experience and expertise, so if you can’t answer a question, the chances are someone else can. We check in regularly to see how you are doing – but our experience is that you do an excellent job.

One of our mentees told us: “It is amazing how reassuring it can be to have someone in another organisation who just “gets” you; and who can offer independent advice and support.” Another said: “The best part of having a mentor is knowing that there’s someone out there who has been through this before, who won’t judge and who is there for me whenever I need it.”

We are always on the look -out for more mentors. If you would like to become a mentor for City Disabilities, click here: https://citydisabilities.org.uk/mentors/